Today I start preparing for the fourth Formidine Rift expedition with my exploration partner. While I’m beside myself with excitement, that excitement is colored with a cocktail of emotions I don’t feel equipped to handle.
I’ve fallen moon over stars for her. However, I just can’t seem to muster the courage to take it to the next level. I mean, I’ve tried. I’ll come up with some clever plan and get about half way through it. Then it hits. The stress, the fear of rejection, the clichéd not-wanting-to-mess-up-what-we-have anxiety and I abort like a Cutter that forgot a docking request.
This last time was the absolute worst. I finally build up the courage to write all my feelings down on real paper and give it to her. Just when I’m nearly finished with it, she walks in wanting to talk. In a complete panic, I fold the thing into an origami elephant. Then I gave it to her!
I was mortified and could barely give her the info she needed. It was unbelievably awkward. So here I am writing you for advice while the love of my life sits upstairs with an elephant containing all the things I cannot say. Why am I so bad at this? Help!
-unRiedquated in Reorte
Forgive me, but that’s just about the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. I’m afraid, as with most of the times I’m asked for this type of advice, my response is easy to talk about and harder to do. Tell her. Tell her your feelings and sort out what happens after that. I’ve heard recently that the difference between life success and mediocrity is six seconds of courage. Seems like a small price to pay.
I cannot believe I’m doing this, but I don’t really have anyone else to turn too. I have precisely one person in my life and it’s currently weird between us. We’re not together and it’s something I would like to explore. However, I feel I’m making it weird and for obvious reasons I can’t talk about this with her.
I’ve done all the ‘normal’ things they do in the holovids. Brush up against her when I pass, put my hand on her when looking over her shoulder at a monitor. I think these gestures just make her uncomfortable. She’ll either pretend not notice when I do them or tense up when I touch her.
A couple days ago I got a little dressed up and went down to talk with her. She immediately tensed and then folded an origami elephant. I made up something about an ELW scan and got out. I know her, and she folds origami when she’s stressed out.
I’m a pretty direct person and if I had any sign that she was into me I’d just out with it. I hate feeling like my affection is stressing our partnership. We ship out together for the Rift in a few days. I don’t know if I can do it with things the way they are right now. Is it time for me to accept it isn’t going to happen? You’re my last hope.
-Heart for Soul
Dear Heart for Soul,
… Unfold the elephant, thank me later.